Day 77

Life is pretty lame lately.

Mainly because of the fact that school has started again after two holiday days and I'm regretting not having studied enough. Oh god. How nervous-wrecking can I possibly be? 

Exams start next week and today I went mad studying like hell. What's more, being study the only activity I'm actually developing, everything else such as French or fitness are going to total waste, and I'd love it to be another way, but I have to set up my priorities and I need to get over the fact that, no matter what I want or how I want it, these two years before university will be my particular and not so comfy hell.

You might be already sick of all the grainy thingy, but I had to add something to the picture because it would have looked the dullest thing otherwise!

Day 76

Nothing much to say today!

I forgot to mention that yesterday and today I had no school because we are on holidays, but tomorrow we're going back to school. And.. and.. I don't know. I studied history and watched my doggy sleep as usual.

Day 75

I'm in love with this picture.

It reminds me of Greece. I don't know why but everytime I see it it reminds me of a summer twilight in a little village in Greece. And I've never been there, but that's it. It also reminds me of 'Eat, pray, love'. And I love it.

The girl in the picture is Rocío, of course. As I told you, today we had this photoshoot in which my main intention was to take pictures at twilight using flour. Before the photo shoot I was so nervous. I'm always nervous after a scheduled photoshoot actually, but oh well! 

So we bought flour and went to the beach. The reason why I decided to do this this way is because I was always mentally complaining why I don't have lovely scapes on my city. And then I remembered we had the beach and that I should take advantage of it. 

We got all covered with flour and it was so fun! I had flour everywhere and my nose was completely white!

So once we were there, we didn't do much at first. The sun didn't seem to be in all it's brightness and I thought that maybe today because of the clouds that was covering the sun we wouldn't have the golden hour. How wrong was I.

An hour later, while we were still taking pictures we started to feel that golden sunray on our skin, and there we had it. The golden hour. 

It was awesome. I'm really happy and proud of the photoshot and I had the opportunity to use Rocio's sister canon camera, which is by the way awesome. 

Today I've learnt that is is harder than I expected to be trying to do a great combination between model and scape, when I put the light according to the landscape, the model would look very dark, and viceversa!

I wish I could put all of the pictures in XL size, but I'm just gonna do that with the main picture of the day.

So do me a favor and click on the pictures to see them better!

Day 74

Oh my. How many months have I been without taking nature shots? Anyway! Today I decided to go to a botanic park and even though we had some issues I finally managed to take some shots!

About the outcome of the pictures, I'm not really sure what to think of them. I was expecting more from some, and less from others (Like the one above) but with photography, expect the unexpected!

Another boooring day of studying despite this little walk, tomorrow I've planed a shot with Roci and hopefully it will come out nicely!

Day 73

It's been ages since the last time I did an eye-shot, and I think it's the very first time I submit one to this project!

If you've seen my artwork on deviantART you would have noticed I'm very fond on eye pictures, but it came a time I was obsessed with them! 

Anyways. Today something funny happened. I got send a note on deviantART and it was from a real life friend who wrote me saying that she saw me on the frontpage and that she didn't know I was on deviantART. Such a coincidence! I love it.

Changing of subject. Today I could have gone with my parents to take a walk and take some landscapes shots and now I could be on my friend's house 'cause she's holding a sleepover. But I'm the most idyllic student and I rather staying in my house getting bored. Yay.

 

Day 72

I HAVE MY CAMERA BACK!

I GOT A PICTURE TAKEN!

Let me explain you the whole thing:

Laury!

Today I went to school and did a lot of probably useless stuff. Later, at 5 I went to the Sony's shop to take my camera! My dad went with me and he tied the rope of my dog's walker on a streetlight while we were in the shop. I went out to take care of my dog because she's quite stupid, so I was taking care of her when I see this man. And when I look at him he smiled. And then, seconds later he asked me in Spanish but with a german accent 'Can I take a picture?' And I was like 'Yes! :)' And so he took like 4, then he changed of angle and asked me again to take a picture. He asked me if I was german and I told him I wasn't, then he asked me if I was from that city. I told him I was, even though I'm not, but my dad was in the shop, so I didn't want to give him a lot of conversation, even though I died to do so. I wanted to ask him if he was a photographer, if I could see his shots in any webpage and stuff, but not with my dad there. Anyways, he smiled and then he left. And now I regret being so quiet. Because I wanted to ask him a lot of things!

                                                                                    ANYWAYS.

IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE I COULD
TAKE BOKEH PICTURES!

I'm so so happy because I've always wanted to take pictures of a lot of people, and the reason why I let him take a picture of me is because sometimes I find myself in the same situation, so I really get how he must feel. AND! I was so happy because is the first time I get asked to take a picture, I'm always the one who does so! YAY. Plus the boy/man was handsome. And he asked me if I was German, MWHAHAHAHAHHA.

Later, with my camera in hand I hung out with Laury and the light was barely out so we had to take a rush to take pictures, and I found this boy who was in a square, looking at the sea and listening to music. He was the best. 

Day 71

Couldn't you have taken a better picture?

-Yes.

Do you think the picture came out bad?

-Yes.

Why did you decide to use this picture as today's picture anyways?

-The reason is that I wanted to take a picture of my brother's camera. The one that I've used for two months and helped me to improve even though at first I underestimated its potential. I wanted to take a picture of it on my tripod, because that's how I always use it. And this picture is here because today I got a call. 

A call of a man from the repairing shop. 

I'm getting my camera back tomorroooooooow!

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

PD: Boring day today.

Day 70

I'm already studying again, and it's kinda overwhelming, but if I want to keep (And improve) the high marks I'll have to keep studying. At least I know all the effort is worth it and once they end I will have lovely trips and the feeling of pride because I did my best this year, thus I won't be really nervous about getting to an advertising university because supposedly I will have no problem in getting into a new one if I have good marks.

And then I start to think of me living far away from home, doing what I want. Studying in a whole different and brand new city. Doing photo shoots, meeting tons of new people, going to a lot of things, traveling, getting a job,... and I just love it. I love thinking about my future.

I'm not very likely to be pessimistic, sometimes I use the pessimism as a weapon not to fail and tear my world in a glance, but inevitably I end up being optimistic again.

I like smashed potatoes, too.

Day 69

This wouldn't be the first time I tell you that I came home, had a nap and then went to study so I just could take a picture from the window.

Yesterday at 5 AM my dad came to my room and I was with the lights on, sat on the bed smiling.

I'm a sleepwalker since always, I have tons of anecdotes about it, but it's not really funny considering I've watched on cinemas 'The woman in black' the other day!

And.. and... I don't know. Today I'm really lacking of inspiration!

Day 68

I'm not over you just yet, cannot hide it, you're not that easy to forget.- Carolina Liar 

Woo! Day 68 already!

And no. My aim is not to write music lyrics everytime I post the picture, I write them if.. if.. I don't know. If I feel like!

I've been noticing how lately (Ignoring day 66) my pictures are developing a more serious style, which I haven't really used since I've started this project. I did before though, I just never thought that I'd be able to edit the pictures like this using my brother's camera.

Today I got the three marks of the lasts exams I did and they all came wonderfully fine so I'm really pleased! :D

And look at this.

All of these pictures wouldn't exist if I had decided to give up this project when my camera broke, on day 7.

I'm so glad I didn't give up.

Day 67

We touch, I feel a rush.

We clutch, it isn't much.

 But it's enough to make me wonder what's in store for us.

It's lust, it's torturous.

You must be a sorceress 'cause you just did the impossible: gained my trust.

  And love is "evol", spell it backwards, I'll show you.

I've got a hole in my heart from some kind of emotional roller-coaster;
 Something I won't go on till you toy with my emotions, so it's over.

It's like an explosion every time I hold you, wasn't jokin' when I told you...

You take my breath away, you're a supernova.
 

I'm a space-bound rocketship and your heart's the moon,
 And I'm aimin' right at you...
 Right at you...
 250, 000 miles on a clear night in June,
And I'm aimin' right at you
Right at you
Right at you

-Eminem

Yesterday I discovered this song and I literally felt in love with it it's so beautiful I could die appart from having this song on repeat the whole day I didn't do anything.

Day 66

HAHAHAH. You weren't expecting this, or did you?

This picture is something that I always wanted to do... To take the liquify tool and GO MAD. 

I made some attempts other days, but I just didn't want to 'waste' the picture with that, so this picture is specially made for being wasted. AND IT FEELS RIGHT!

Today I went out with my friends and the streets were almost empty due to the cold. I'm listening for the second time to 'Space Bound' by Eminem and I'm getting as melancholic as ever. But my thoughts doesn't really fit with the picture, so I might write them somewhere else!

Day 65

World's spinning 'round, there's no sign of slowing down so won't you take a breath?Just take a breath. -Jonas Brothers

Actually, I wanted to type another lyrics today that don't leave my mind and which I fell in love to even though I've already knew that song for a while. Minute 3:00 of Miserably Loving you, by Artist VS Poet. I just think it's flawless, it just happens sometimes, that I can hear an entire song just to get to a part which makes me feel good, so good. Oh well. A lot of thoughts are passing through my mind at this moment, when I listen to that sentence. A lot of things I don't want to happen. A person I want to forget for good.

Today:

• I didn't go to school because I had to take care of my ill sister.
• I finally went to the cinema after AGES.
• Bea brought me from London So wrong, it's right by All time Low and a prince Harry postcard. GOD. IT'S SO PERFECT.
• I saw with Bea and Laury 'The woman in black' or however it's called in english. It wasn't really scary.
• Okay. I spent the whole film covering my face, talking and shouting.

This picture:
It's not the first time I try to take this picture, actually. I think it was day two or three of this project in which I tried to develop the same idea, but it was an absolute fail so I finally didn't upload that shot.I'm really bad at levitation shots but they really blow my mind, so I needed to try this out again. The result isn't  very impressing, but it's okay for me.



Cause there's no one to call and I'm so sick of being all alone.
And I'm stuck
miserably
loving
you.

Day 64

Sometimes I feel so alone, I just don't know, feels like I been down this road before, so lonely and cold... It's like something takes over me, soon as I go home and close the door,kinda feels like deja vu, I wanna get away from this place I do, but I can't and I won't say I tried but I know that's a lie cause I don't and why? I just don't know... -Eminem

 Today I didn't want to do my already typical plain white shots. AND you might be thinking this is one of those shots, but this isn't. I guess it's noticeable the different light on this one and how everything seems to have better quality than usual. That's because this picture was taken outside, on the balcony, plus the sky was cloudy, so it was the right time to take a portrait! Actually, I've just taken two portaits and they were taken just in case the other pictures didn't work (They didn't) and I'm glad it had to be that way, because after HOURS of editing this picture came out and I'm proud of it. YAY FOR THAT!

Today I wrote an entire paragraph in French WITHOUT ANY MISTAKE. I felt god.

Day 63

Mon niveau de français est très, très mauvais.

I mean. Seriously. It looks as if the more writings I do in french, the worse I do them. At it's actually starting to upset me. 

This is another version of the picture, which is just slightly different.

I got told that that's because I need to listen and to read more often in French because actually, on my daily routine I never listen to French.

I'd also need to get some people to talk French with, it'd be lovely, but I just know that when exams start I won't be able to keep those.

I don't know what to do! I want to learn French but I don't even have time.

AHH WHAT TO DOO!

Actually if I keep writing it would look as if I'm in a bad mood which isn't true, I'm just tired and tomorrow I have school, bye lovely people.

 

Day 62

Anything happens and I'm head over heels.
I can make pages and pages describing a sentence, a hug, a glance, a day, I can make fireworks over a little spark, brooding for hours, getting no sleep at all.

But I never seem to get what I want, all my happiness can be translated into sadness in a matter of two minutes.
Once you lose faith so many times, it's hard to get up again, but there's an inner force that leads me to fall in love repeatedly.
Being amorous is tiring, totally useless, sad, it has no point and it's completely hopeless nowadays, when people just seem to be looking for a quick affair to amuse themselves.

But it's beautiful,thrilling, ethereal, fugacious...it makes you feel alive.
Why do I need to worry about this matter when I'm still young, fresh and with a whole future in front of me? That kind of love seems to be hiding somewhere, looking for the right moment to go out and make our life more pleasant.

But it's all about timing, it's useless to force luck.

Is having a lover that important once you are surrounded by dear beloved friends who are keen to create new memories with you, is a sunset so dull compared to the search of a love who's hiding?
Love is not the destination, but the journey, so let's enjoy it as long as we're alive.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Oh my. I should have done have tons of homework for tomorrow. And I didn't do anything.

As you can see the picture isn't really... hard to get?

Guys. I'm just fed up. Mentally. I've finished yesterday the exam's period and I don't even have a whole day to properly relax because I have a huge amount of homework and work to do.

GOD. I NEED TO RELAX.

Oh, and happy Saint Valentine's!

Day 61

EXAMS ARE OVER!

(At least until the beginning of March)

People are often asking me why I never smile on my pictures, so here you have me, with the biggest grin EVER because today I did my last exam.

As you can see in this picture and if you remember it's exactly the opposite mood from day 14, in which I was talking about 'winter depression'. 

Click to enlarge!

The exam was quite long so I had to do it quickly thus I don't know how it came out, but now I couldn't care less!!

The toasts look gross but they are actually delicious.

Today when I came home I ate and took the loveliest nap ever. Later I went to buy the newspaper (I need to do an economics work) and also a Photoshop magazine called 'Enhace your portraits'. God, it feels so so so good not to do anything! It's the best pleasure ever. I'm already thinking what I'll be doing this weekend. Hopefully, and if I have my camera back I'm planning a photoshoot on the beach, wooooooooops!

By the way, I've just noticed that there is a button who says 'reply' when someone writes a comment and what I used to do was writing a comment after the other ones. I feel stupid now.

Day 60

 It's too cold outside  for angels to fly, angels to fly.-The A Team

It's kinda depressing to see the day pass by through your window while you are sit in a chair

for hours.And hours. And hours. You see the beginning of a new day, the midday, the golden hour, and the night. You see activity from your window while you are trying to memorize tons and tons of economics pages without any result. Taking the tiniest breaks because you're too nervous to be able to enjoy them. Pages. Pages. Pages. Writing. Processing. 

Oh well. This is why today's picture's my desk... and is also because I've been too busy studying to take a picture, too.

WISH ME LUCK FOR TOMORROWS EXAM!

Day 59

'' Omg.

It took me a while now to watch every single shot on your blog, but I have to say it's worth visiting.There are so many great photos and so many great ideas And I really admire you for taking you the time to take a photo and edit it every day, in spite of all the exams. (I couldn't imagine this, I'm a student too.  )

Although I answered your poll with "the first time ever", this wont't be the last time. '' -Poulote on DeviantART

The reason why I decided to paste this comment that I've read yesterday is because it reaally made me happy! I'm so glad to know that I'm not doing this project alone and it really encourages me to see that people is following it, so reading messages like this are like THE BEST.

With this picture I'm kinda making up the fact that yesterday I uploaded a suicidal shot... so now you have butterflies! At the moment I'm in a great mood because I'm getting to know a lot of people on flickr and I'm answering deviantART feedback which is awesome because they are awesome. 

But today hasn't been a nice day at all. I think I've studied more than 10 hours and that is a lot for me. A lot of economics. A lot of concepts, and I've studied that much that I mixed it all and I'm not even sure I remember half the things I've learnt. Tomorrow will be horrible because supposedly I have to know all the lesson thus I'll spend the whole day learning the things I've forgotten and revising. Teenage years are so, so good.

Sarcasm.

Day 58

I have some things to say about this picture and about its meaning.

As I've told you before I've been thinking about 'concept' and 'beauty' and what element we care the most when looking at a picture, I took some very interesting things out of the discussions I had with the deviants, and some of the things that I've learnt is that we might not give the picture any meaning, and just aim for a beautiful shot and someone might see it and see a relatively clear concept behind the picture. And that is what just happened to me with this picture I've just edited. 

I was very, very tired, and actually, I'm still very tired, but I was angry. Angry because I didn't want to study anymore, angry because I was fed up, angry because I wanted to take pictures outside... and I started to edit the picture.

This picture was never intended to come out this way, and I know that if I had edited the same shot another day the outcome would be very different. 

And while I was editing the picture, I wasn't even thinking that that girl was me. I just started to think about the story of that girl with long black hair.

At first I saw a suicidal girl. Hung somewhere, in an empty space, all alone, and no one would ever go to visit her...

But then, I added the background. The clouds background and the whole perspective of the picture changed to me. The girl was happy, she wasn't sad at all. She was glad to be there, she was peaceful, maybe after all she didn't hang herself.

Okay. This is just so paranoiac.But what I wanted to tell by that is that it's true that you might take a picture and it might have a lot of different meanings, I also wanted to show how a simple element (In this case the clouds) can change the whole meaning of the picture.

I don't know. I'm tired and I thinking strangely.

Today I had a French exam at school and it went well because at school we have the worst french level in all the world. But I want to learn french so bad. If I had a lot of time I wouldn't stop practising it, but when the end of the day comes I have to edit the picture of the day (Which ends up being the most relaxing part of the day) And sleep.

Day 57

Sorry for the picture. I just didn't want another room shot today and I took this on the way to French classes, I didn't find anything better to take pictures at, sorry for that.
But I might as well compensate the horrible picture with a current thought that I'm having, and that has been passing through my mind quite a long time now, but I feel as if I need to talk about it now.
In deviantART I've just written a journal about 'Concept or beauty?' but I didn't really explained why this topic came to my mind, I don't plan to do it, because I don't want to be over-dramatic there, or look as if I just want attention. But this is my 365 days blog and I want to tell you what's going on,you don't even need to write a comment, just listen:



Lately, I've been following a lot of photographers of my age. A little bit younger. A little bit older. (14-20 years) Some really talented photographers who I really admire...But I feel as if their pictures aren't really like mine. They hold a more strong concept. They are more... how would I call it? Vintage maybe. With a stronger concept. Simpler but more effective. I just see them and I admire their shots, I see how they understand each other, but I just don't seem to connect with them.

Actually, I know the answer to this.
They just are developing a different style of photography than mine. I know how my photography will develop, I know how I will be in maybe 8 years. Of course, I don't know every detail and I might develop my photography in another way, but I know which artists might be similar to my style of taking pictures. And I know we all have our style. But sometimes I feel as if my pictures aren't significant at all, they don't really hold any strong meaning or that it's too edited. I don't know.
Sometimes I wish we could connect. That I could share with them my thoughts, that we could share our love for photography. But they are just two different styles.
And a lot of different lifes. I know they live near a lot of lovely nature, long fields and northern countries. I know their attitude is different.
I live in a tiny city, I almost never go out due to study lately and when I do I just see ugly buildings. I don't have awesome green grass, big skies or the bests golden hour sunrays. I know they are different. But I know I'm not giving the best of me being where I am. Trapped in these four walls, and I know that if I lived near any nature space I would have developed my photography skills more than I do now.


I don't really know what point I'm trying to make you see, but this is it, thank you for listening, this almost feels like my diary. 

Day 56

 

Oh damn. Today I'm not really in the bussiness.

For a start, the philosphy exam went worse than expected, which is kinda discouraging if I still have to study for 4 more days. 

I went home later and skipped three school hours because I was really tired. I took this picture. I edited it, was pleased and BANG. Photoshop fucked up. And yes, I didn't save the file... again.

So there was I thinking that I should be at school and I've just wasted almost two hours of my life. And I did the edit all over again.

I've just spent some hours studying biology but I don't know why I.CAN'T.FOCUS. And it's really doing my head in because there are still tons of things I gotta study for tomorrow's exam, which, by the way, I know the outcome won't be really atonishing.

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY.

About the picture: 

1. That is an eye mask. 
2. It looks weird.
3. Now I gotta keep studying.
4. I hate everything.
5. Bye.

Day 55

 

Actually, I've always wanted to show you what I could see through my window. This cityscape you are seeing here has really, really made an impact of the 52 week project that I've developed last year. If you followed it and you read a lot of the texts that came along the pictures you could see how I was constantly talking about wanting to leave those cold buildings, ugly scapes and dull city life and go to a better place. I wrote everything while I was looking through the window. Everything would have changed completely and all the texts would have been different if I didn't had this... erm... sight.

And I'm in the middle of my exams period so that is why the pictures are coming out this way. 

I'm fed up of being at home and today I went out to buy a new wristwatch.

And that, guys, is BIG news.

I've been with that ugly green and yellow wristwatch since I started highschool and it's in almost every portrait of mine.

And now it's broken and I had to buy a new one.

Actually I didn't find any watch I liked and I took one of my father's and went to the clock guy (I don't know how to say it in English and I don't feel like looking the thecnical name for the clock guy) and now it's mine! YAY. But the watch is heavy. I'll have to get used to it.

And yes. Tons of study. Tomorrow philosophy. I'm thrilled.

Day 54

I don't like the picture. I think it looks quite horrible, but now I just want to go to bed, today has been a really, really tiring day.

I've studied a lot of hours considering today is a labour day, 5 hours aproximately, but I have no clue of philosophy or biology and I have to study a looong list of words in french.

Good news! I took an A+ in History! YAYS! At least the effort is worth it.

Day 53

About this picture:

• It took me like 3 hours to finish it because I didn't know what colours I should use and I did two versions of the same picture.
• It took me a lot of time to figure out which of the two versions I should upload. I ended up making a mixture of them both like Bea told me.
• And I'm still not sure if I made the right decision.
• I'm spending way too much editing these pictures, not that I complain, but if I keep like this I might start to give priority to this instead of school, and that is dangerous.
• The shoot wasn't easier. The almost two metres tripod was step in the bouncing bed, I had 10 seconds to pose and I had to do it carefully in order to the camera not to fall and break itself AND the guitar.

 

This was the other version. I like the borders very much but GOD. I cannot decide. 

Today I woke up and had a terrible stomach ache. My parents made me go to bed and I was complaining 'cause I had to study Spanish. I hate studying Spanish so much. No offense to any Spanish speaker, because so am I, but I hate learning useless stuff if Spanish is my mother tongue language, oh well!

 Today I'm leaving another before and after:

Day 52

 

I started to edit this picture at 18:30 and ended the edition at 22:30 so if we consider I had dinner in that gap I took almost 3 hours to edit this picture. The clouds took me FOREVER and I'm not very happy with the shape even though I tried my best. But I like the picture as a whole. Specially the colours.

Today I've studied Spanish and biology but calmly.My house has been freezing because we are used to beach weather so the windows let all the coldness enter to the house, and a friend of mine just passed me the Spanish exam they had to do at the other class... IT'S SO FUCKING HARD. I better study tomorrow if I don't want to tragically fail.The picture of the left is me messing around. Again, this is the real me, I'm never serious, I'm always stupid like that! 

And! Here I show you the before/after of this picture.Don't get used to them though! I don't really like uploading before-after of self-portraits, but I liked this one!