(19) Days of summer.

And as every bad thing in life dramatically comes, and every good thing in life fortunately comes, exams finished. It is weird to think that was the last time I was going to do an exam until I entered to university, and the feeling of leaving the building made all the effort, the tears, the sleepless nights and the heart-wrenching mornings worth it. Because this year I've learnt a lot. I've learnt what it's like to sacrifice for something, for a goal. I also learnt that I'm a morning student and that I can't study at night because I would fall asleep. I've learnt philosophy, maths, spanish, english, french, economics, geography... And I've learnt that although they are important subjects, the only thing I've truly discovered this year is that I am able to reach my goals because I have the strength of doing so. And that, is the best thing I've learnt this year.Now I can throw all my essays and books away because they are useless for what is yet to come... Welcome summer.

(18) Days of summer.

It's like a light surrounding the darkness, what I'm feeling under my skin.It's unavoidable, the feeling that my school year is over is as present as ever. I just can't believe how fast, but deadly tiring this year has passed. Everything that I've done, achieved, failed and experienced within these two years are almost coming to an end. But I still have the worst exams, and once they are finished and I give my exam, open the door and see the sunshine I won't be able to do anything but to gasp and think 'I'm free.'

(17) Days of summer

And finally, exams started. After waking up in the morning and having a cup of coffee while I flickered through my philosophy essays, I wished that all the exams were over. Surprisingly, I wasn't as nervous as I thought I was going to be. Maybe, and just maybe I had learnt that getting nervous is totally useless, because I won't perform as well as I would do without nerves. Or maybe philosophy, spanish and english weren't really demanding. The thing is, once I finished these three exams I was more than pleased. I just have three exams left, and even though today and tomorrow will consume all my energy, finally all my effort will have its results.

(16) Days of summer

Federico Garcia Lorca, Antonio Machado, Nietzsche and Plato have been my companions amongst other artists, philosophers and old celebrities that unavoidably fill my thoughts and desk. It's been already three days since I last stepped in the street and my head is feeling a little bit dizzy.

(15) Days of summer.

And in this moment, I swear my head is as full as ever. Thinking about anything I might do in one week is really amusing and distracting, so I've got to close both my imagination and wonders and learn how to do statistics properly. The clock is running out, and the uncertainty of what might enter in the exam is every time higher. It's a countdown for the start of my exams, but it is also the countdown for the beginning of what is meant to be the best three months I've ever had.

(14) Days of summer.

I am thankful for everything that I've got. Because I know that if I ever feel bad, I'll always have that shoulder to cry on, that person to talk to and that I know that will hear and understand my thoughts without hesitating. It is comfortable to think that. To have someone that is able to make you laugh when you're about to cry, and that can gift you things such as a little fluffy bear because he knows you love cuddling teddy bears. It's nice to know we're loved, and understood. The best blessing I've have in my life is to love and feel loved back.

(13) Days of summer.

Today I woke up with the feeling that I had to study more than I've ever studied in my whole life. Such an overwhelming feeling it was, I was numb. Unable to even do a maths exercise. I had to leave my house with no objective, just to wander and to rethink... Because that was everything I could do. My nerves were in my skin and my motivation was somewhere far away from my heart and soul. But I have to take the next step... In less than a week summer is here.

(12) Days of summer.

Now I remember why it's a failure to take pictures in my room... I totally suck at indoors, I even forgot to lower the ISO and i kinda hate this picture but oh well...
I can't even explain how tiring today was. I had my English exam and I was so freaking nervous I developed it awfully when i usually do it properly. I hate it. I hate how my nerves consume me and how I'm unable to do anything when I feel overwhelmed, I hate my hand trembling while I try to write a sentence and I hate failing and exam, because I never fail them. I sometimes think I'm too pessimistic and perfectionist, and that kind of chains me to the reality because I have an interior judge that is constantly shouting in my ear to succeed, and if I not, if I surrender for a single moment, I can feel the voice shouting at my back as I fall. 

(11) Days of summer

Today my day consisted of revising a lot of English exams, which is kinda useless because the chances of a word being in the Cambridge exam I have tomorrow is likely to be 0,0000000000000000001% but at least I feel as I'm doing something worthy. When I'm not. But  I love deceiving myself. I also went to economics class and had a lovely breakfast. Nothing really important can happen in an usual Wednesday... I just pray tomorrow exam is easy enough for a pass. 

(10) Days of summer

You might find the topic of books/words constantly repeating over this week and the next one. But is the first thing I think when I wake up at 6 AM to study and the thing I worry about when I finally close my eyes at 12 PM, so it is quite repetitive for me as well. It already feels weird to think that in a week and a half my actual summer will start, and when I used to have exams every month... What are now my philosophy, economics, geography, maths and Spanish books will just fade. Just like all my sheets and essays.It will all come to dust to be part of my memories.

(9) Days of summer

Some people find it extremely easy, and even inspiring to take self-portraits in the middle of the doom and gloom. I don't, but I am forced to take a daily picture so here this is.
It is quite chaotic, actually. The elements are random and don't fit with each other... but I guess that is how I feel right now, and as long as the picture reflects my mood, it is fair enough.
But I don't know how to feel. It might be the fright of the uncertain, the surrender after all these months or just my complex personality at a times. But this has to change. I have to enjoy the present and not to worry about the future... but if it isn't leaving up to my expectations, something is going wrong.

(8) Days of summer

While real life can sometimes be deceiving, we need to find the light in the darkness. Every corner in our town can hold a great or a bad memory. Any place, which my seem humble at first, can be of great importance to anyone. It's just a matter to forgetting your environment and turning every dark place in your heart into a pump of joy and excitement. It is alright to have dreams, it is advisable to pursue ambitions, but not a single man was born being already a success

(7) Days of summer

As I  cover my forehead with my hands, wonder where they are.

I guess it is my pessimistic mood ,or maybe I'm too attached I just want to spend all time with him.Once you find the one, it is hard every time you have to give a farewell. All the hours feels like nothing two seconds after he disappeared. And when you are away, there is just one thought passing by your heard, unavoidably.It is beautiful but it is horrible at the same time. Torturous and marvelous, it's wonderful to say at least what a person can accomplish. How can someone be able to give everything to another being without hesitating. Barely gasping but feeling loved moment. How can I set boundaries when my appreciation doesn't have them? 

(6) Days of summer

I've already developed this idea some time ago, but I wanted to do it once again. It's always at least interesting to portray the same idea of a shot you did some years ago and compare the result.

I've been told that we should not compare with other people but with ourselves, and sometimes the result can be paying off. 

I cherish good memories of that stage of my life when I would spend hours flickering through the books in my library and feeling flabbergasted every time I found a story that attracted me.

Now, it's been months, maybe years since that passion for literature has shrunk. 

Everytime I have clearer that these months are fully aimed to rediscover who I was. To show the light to that soul that has been trapped in essays, reviews and proposals for years.

(5) Days of summer

Today I really got on my nerves.

I suppose I wasn't fully aware of everything I had to study but now I had, and I don't know how   I will manage to schedule in order to pass both university and English exams at the same time that I take my daily picture and I'm actually proud of it.

I been told that I am thinking like my life is doom and gloom when I actually have it all. And the truth is, it's not like that. I appreciate every tiny bit of my existence, I just started this project in a tricky stage of my life where I finish school and I have to enter to the university and degree that I desire. That requires both effort and patience and I lack of the latter option.Although I always manage to succeed but in the pathway I struggle and feel breathless.

(4) Day of summer

If there is any value I'd love to own that would be patience. There will always be someone better, who shine brighter with less effort and that just gets what you seek with astonishing ease. But is not better who has everything but the one that is happy with what they have.

Because life doesn't only consist of ups but downs as well. If we want to taste heaven we will must have seen hell before. There is no better satisfaction than when we failed several times until we eventually got an expected result. Path of life is full of stones and broken roads, but I'm on my way to disregard them.

(3) Day of summer

I have the feeling that something is going wrong when everything seems fairly normal. But why? I guess sometimes is the endeavor of improving everyday but I should learn more about the art of passing by because I'm quite paranoid. Worrying less would be the clue, but while it is easy for some I find it heart-wrenching and impossible. Being concerned without reason can lead to an unavoidable feeling of irrational sadness.

(2) Day of summer

I could say today is my last day of peacefulness so that tomorrow I am finally starting to study for my exams of entrance to university. 

While I lay in the bed and I see my desktop with cluttered by paper sheets and folders I can do nothing but gasp and wonder if I'm even able to come back to a study routine.

I didn't do much today besides helping my boyfriend to study Spanish and sleep a lot.

 Until 20th June I won't have more breaks but it will be totally worth it.

(1) Day of Summer

What is a better way to predict what this 100 days will hold but clutching  each other while looking at twilight, listening to 'Shadow of the day' for the first time and smelling the salty smell of the sea?

I don't know what the future might hold but I wish I am patient and constant enough to make of this 100 days a successful achievement.