Saint Valentine's day

14/2/2013

Last Valentine's day was something worth remembering for various reasons. 

I remember that week was vital for me, the day before I went to Malaga and finally made my mind about not only what I wanted to study but where I would develop my advertising degree as well. 

That week was full of changes and I was nervous as ever, being the school pressure always present while I had to do many other tasks. When I woke up the Valentine's day I had near my bed a bouquet of roses and I was amazed because of the lovely surprise! I'd never had expected that I would have such a lovely surprise the very same moment I've gotten up. I also took advantage of the flowers to take plenty of pictures with them... I guess I cannot help it, if I have flowers in my house I must take pictures with them, they are such a lovely complement!

Being absent for quite a lot of time because of many factors including studies I had to take the decision of temporally abandon the photography aspect of my daily grind in order to satisfy those, as they seemed to be, needs. 

Luckily school ends in some months and I will be able not only to spend time taking picture but to totally refresh the looks of my pages with some content I still have to define. I'm still not fully into this because I still have a couple of months full of activity but as soon as I can I will come back with brand new stuff in both Tumblr and Blogspot. 

 Thank you for reading!

Day 169

Friends. I tend to remember them when everything goes away and they help me, they take care of me, they cheer me up, they make me realize that I might not be as fucked up as I think I am.

These lasts days, I've written more than ever. Pages and pages. To my friends. Talking about my feelings, thinking and over thinking any little thought I had in mind and turning it into a long text. I'm explaining myself more than ever. My mind is naked, there is no dusty corner, there is not a space that is left without being shouted out loud. I think I'm growing as a person. Today, in fact, tonight, I'm realizing how much I've changed these lasts months. Maybe this last year. I'm not how I used to. I think I'm growing up. It's kinda ironic to say that when I still do childish and dumb things, but I think that I'm becoming mature. I don't know how to explain this, but I just find that I have a way of thinking that I didn't have before, I know how to comfort people, I know how to express myself in the correct way. I'm not flattering me or saying I'm becoming supercool, I'm just pointing out something quite obvious if you come to think about it when you're sixteen. You are close to the university. It's normal that everything change. And even though this relationship is slowly killing me, I know that it will last, as they all do, and I will move on. With new ways of seeing the world, with new frustrated dreams, with everything.

I still have a lot to learn, I still have to find out more things. I need to actually live. 

Okay. So this is what happens when you're in the middle of a sentimental crisis and you listen to 'Yellow' by Coldplay over and over while you write. 

Day 168

Sometimes, the right thing doesn't always feel right. But in this case, the wrong thing feels right. Not the kind of right that leaves you in a  peaceful mood. The kind of right that leaves you gasping, crying, thinking why the things went the way they went, how come that nothing goes the way you want them to. The kind of right that won't let you sleep, that will keep you restless, waiting for an answer that will never come, even though the question is asked. 

Is the kind of right that keeps you thinking 'I did everything I could, but didn't he love me more than that? Wasn't I worth it? Is he hiding his feelings?'. I'd give all my savings for a simple answer.

I hate it. It's unfair. I deserve better. I deserve an answer. But I won't ever have it.