Day 31
Okay guys. So here's the situation and you might as well read this.
- I don't care if I took this picture with the webcam. I'm too shocked for a proper picture.
- I was winning him with a difference of 216 votes.
- I went to study. I checked on my iPod and he has won some little votes.
- I checked my iPod again and... The difference between him and me was of 86 votes.
- I panicked.
- I don't know how he did so.
- I almost take the contest for lost because this weekend I'm in Madrid, so I won't be able to control him and he will win me and make a difference so so big I won't be able to reach him.
- It's just the worst twist in the world. I'm defeated.
- Like, really. I worked so hard for this not to happen. And it's happening. In just some minutes it happened.
- Has he cheated? I don't know.
- I don't know anything.
Tomorrow I'm going to Madrid, I will take some pictures with my brother's camera. So don't expect them to be uploaded in the date that is meant.
I don't know. I need you to vote here the whole weekend. I need a miracle to happen. I must be strong if I want to win this shit. The worst part is about to come.
''That feeling.
I don’t think I’ve ever felt it so deeply. I don’t know how to call it. I just know that it’s wrecking me. I’m a wreck at this moment. I’ve never been that nervous. And it could all fade away, if I decided to give up.
It’s a thought that has been going through my mind lately, just a glimpse of it, just a reflection of what I could do. Two seconds, one. But it’s all the time rejected, because I can’t give up.
I’ve spent too many hours. I’ve been to nervous. I can’t throw it all away. I don’t want to end is as the girl who got away. I don’t want to give up now, like I’ve given up before some other things due to the pressure. I need to win this. I’m going to win this, even though at the moment the simple thought of it looks unreachable. Because even though I’m first, I know that it will last in the next days. Maybe tomorrow. But there’s nothing I can do but fight. And tonight, I can’t. Because I’m defeated. I took things for granted with a slight feeling of awareness, but not as much as I should have. What can I say? It was an unexpected and negative twist. Who knows how will this all end? Will I win? Will he?
Pride is what is holding me so strongly. Pride is the thing that is making me follow this contest even though I know it will hurt me. I’m not studying. I’m just here, typing and letting everything flow because I’m too overwhelmed to keep fighting. Keep fighting. That’s what he did. And it scares me. Because if he can do it when he’s in low position, what will happen if he highens? I don’t know. Everything is so confusing. I’m tired. I want to let this feeling go, but I can’t.
It’s just a contest, they’d say.
But when someone insults you, when someone thinks that is better than you, you want to prove them wrong.
I want to prove them wrong, and I don’t care about anything else.
I need to keep fighting.''
I don’t think I’ve ever felt it so deeply. I don’t know how to call it. I just know that it’s wrecking me. I’m a wreck at this moment. I’ve never been that nervous. And it could all fade away, if I decided to give up.
It’s a thought that has been going through my mind lately, just a glimpse of it, just a reflection of what I could do. Two seconds, one. But it’s all the time rejected, because I can’t give up.
I’ve spent too many hours. I’ve been to nervous. I can’t throw it all away. I don’t want to end is as the girl who got away. I don’t want to give up now, like I’ve given up before some other things due to the pressure. I need to win this. I’m going to win this, even though at the moment the simple thought of it looks unreachable. Because even though I’m first, I know that it will last in the next days. Maybe tomorrow. But there’s nothing I can do but fight. And tonight, I can’t. Because I’m defeated. I took things for granted with a slight feeling of awareness, but not as much as I should have. What can I say? It was an unexpected and negative twist. Who knows how will this all end? Will I win? Will he?
Pride is what is holding me so strongly. Pride is the thing that is making me follow this contest even though I know it will hurt me. I’m not studying. I’m just here, typing and letting everything flow because I’m too overwhelmed to keep fighting. Keep fighting. That’s what he did. And it scares me. Because if he can do it when he’s in low position, what will happen if he highens? I don’t know. Everything is so confusing. I’m tired. I want to let this feeling go, but I can’t.
It’s just a contest, they’d say.
But when someone insults you, when someone thinks that is better than you, you want to prove them wrong.
I want to prove them wrong, and I don’t care about anything else.
I need to keep fighting.''
For Merlin's sake sweetheart, you're a way better photographer than him.
ReplyDeleteThis is just a stupid contest, it would be cool to win, but that's it. Ok, you want to win, and we all want to help you, but it's going to drive you crazy, and you're way too talented to get crazy about that.
You're one of the best photographer I know. And it's surely the same for other people here. That's all matters, the fact that you're great and the fact that you love taking photos.
Not the results of a contest.
BUT BUT BUT. Okay.
ReplyDeleteI know i know! But lately I'm not even thinking about actually winning the contest, but I just couldn't stand the fact of everyone laughing at me because he won me and I don't want him to feel better than me because he won that after all the effort I put into it. I know lately I'm sounding like an idiot brat, and I'm not like that, but as you said this contest is driving me mad and I will just stick to it until the last day, because I don't want to give up and dissapoint myself for doing so, sorry for all these pesimistic messages, I know I'm annoying.
Check your dA box.
ReplyDelete